If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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