Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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