My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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