I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
