if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
