Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
