i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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