I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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