you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
