im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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