wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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