Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
