i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
