I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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