This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize