Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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