you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The feeling are messing with the penis
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
