Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
organizing the empties. That sober.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
