is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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