Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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