I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
