i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize