i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
