I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
