i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
