I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There r osticjed everywhere
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
