I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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