Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i now understand why vodka
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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