Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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