So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
