you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
