Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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