Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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