no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
