He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
