i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
