she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
