I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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