You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
