remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
