so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
