Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
