Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
