Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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