And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
