While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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