The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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