READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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