You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize