dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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