Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
