i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize