id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
