Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
