1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
