im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize