I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
