Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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