She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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