if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
