My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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