Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
