I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
