Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
