it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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