i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
