I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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