it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
