doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
