Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this just has baby written all over it
this will be a night to untag.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
