Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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