Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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