Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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