let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
