yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
