I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think my tv is drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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