I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Someone signed my nipple.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
