They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
