I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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