I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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