I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
