He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize