i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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