I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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