I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize